Monday Night Mav !!!
Monday Night Mav is back! I’ll be honest, when I agreed to come write for Totally Driven, I wasn’t expecting to be able to do my Monday Night Mav column. However during it’s hiatus I talked to several people who told me they actually enjoyed reading it, so I juggled a few things on my schedule, and here we are.
This weeks WWE Raw Supershow is live in from the Verizon center in Washington DC. The Three Stooges are guest hosting tonight, well at least the movie version of the three stooges. And we’re going to get the fallout from Brock Lesnar’s shocking return and attack on John Cena last week.
John Launinaitis, complete with what I believe is new music is opening the show and out with him is of course David Otunga. Big Johnny brings out who he calls the new face of the WWE. Brock Lesnar. He claims Brock will bring “legitimacy” back to the WWE. That’s nice.
Brock begins to thank Big Johnny, but is interrupted by a familiar tune. Out comes John Cena. Cena says he didn’t get to thank him for last week and slaps him. Of course Brock takes this well and jumps on him. They then have a brawl. The locker room quickly clears to separate them.
After a short commercial break we go backstage where Mr. Excitement is yelling at Teddy Long, because the brawl was apparently Long’s fault. He sends Teddy to go fetch Cena. Eve walks in and wants to talk to Big Johnny, but he blows her off.
Santino Marella & Brodus Clay Vs. Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler
The Funkasaurus and Santino come to the ring with the Funkettes. Dolph and Swagger have Vicki with them of course. We get to see Brodus against some higher profile superstars this week, and he pretty much plows through them as well. Dolph and Swagger do get some offense on Funkasaurus, however the end sees Brodus pin Ziggler after the big splash. The post match celebration is a sight to behold as they do the trombone and the Funkasaurus dance together, well together is a strong word. It was fun though.
WINNERS: Santino and Clay
Meanwhile, Johnny The Ace is backstage still and blows off Miz who also wants a meeting. I see a trend forming. Ace yells at peanut head again. Cena shows up and is pretty fired up. He got his mouth busted open in the brawl, but is ready to go tonight, he demands a match. The Dynamic Dude announces Cena is fighting Brock at Exreme Rules. Ace then sends Teddy to tell David Otunga that he’s rasslin’ Cena tonight.
Santino is backstage looking for the Three Stooges. He’s very excited to meet them as they’re very big in Italy. We go to commercial and when we come back he’s still looking. He doesn’t find the Stooges, but does find Kane, who oddly is standing in a corner, behind a door, all by himself. Santino doesn’t hang out long, and frankly neither would I. Tino power walks off.
R-Truth Vs. Cody Rhodes
This one doesn’t get out of the shoot really, A few moments into the match and Big Show comes out, looking dapper in a suit. Show um, shows Cody a video from last week of Big Show showing Cody a video of him getting knocked out by Big Show at Wrestlemania which ended up getting him knocked out by Kofi Kingston last week, which in return gets him knocked out and pinned by R-Truth this week. Did you follow all that? I need an aspirin just from typing it.
Santino is still backstage, he comes across a giant crate marked fragile. He makes the FRA-GEE_LAY Joke, so I’m a happy Maverick. Santino opens a crate to find the Three Stooges inside. Of course slap stick ensues. They invent the Moebra, which will be the next great finishing move for sure. Marella gives them some grief over not having a plan for Raw, so the Stooges think outside the box (literally) about what to do tonight.
Lord Tensai Vs. Yoshi Tatsui
Tensai’s little buddy comes out and makes a mess of the ceremonial salt. He just throws it all over the stage, doesn’t he know that’s only to be used in someone’s eyes? Michael Cole tells us that this match was made because Yoshi was making some noise on twitter about Tensai not being Japanese. I hadn’t noticed. Tensai beats Yoshi senseless and wins due to ref stoppage. He then does the wacky Muta mist claw hold that he did last week. I bet Yoshi closes his twitter account now.
WINNER Lord Tensai
CM PUNK Vs. Mark Henry WWE Title match.
Punk comes out and wants to have a chat with the universe. He goes into detail about what happened last week and is cut off by Jericho on the Tron. They have a heated discussion about being straight edge, how Punk’s family is a red hot mess and hangovers. I’m making light of the promo, but in actuality it was very intense and well done. Punk is pretty ticked off when out comes his opponent the World’s Strongest Man.
This one quickly breaks down, they spill out of the ring and Punk gets himself DQ’d by hitting Henry in the head with a monitor. He then climbs on the apron and looks like he’s goon try to kill Henry with the monitor, but Jericho’s music hits. Punk gets distracted, which isn’t a good idea when you have a ticked off Henry at ringside. Henry gets up and beats on Punk as Y2J brings some beers to ringside. Henry leaves, and Punk tries to fight Jericho, but the already weakened champ gets the code breaker, and then Y2J gives him a lot of free beer. Bonus!
WINNER: Mark Henry by DQ
Alberto Del Rio Vs. Zack Ryder
You know, for a new york minute it looks like Ryder may win… ok no it doesn’t. A cross arm breaker for the win by Del Rio in what essentially was a squash. Poor Zack Ryder.
Once again backstage, The Stooges have an idea, pretzel bites! That sounds yummy actually. Curly has a plan and runs off as Moe leads Larry to ringside by his nose. A quick commercial break later and Curly comes out dressed as Hulk Hogan complete with Real American music. I swear they saved this stuff until I was doing this column again. Curly does a Hulk Hogan promo putting over their upcoming movie, and out comes Kane.
Moe and Larry run like forrest, Curly Hulks up, only to get choke slammed. Cole says Kane “Moe’d” down Curly. As corny as it was, it made me giggle.
Backstage Mark Henry is with Josh Matthews, he asks if he has an explanation for getting hit by a monitor, getting ticked off and squishing CM Punk. Who says Josh is a bad interviewer? Next week Henry gets No DQ, No Count out match against Punk for the title.
We come back from break to find out Josh will once again be gracing us with his interview skills. He’s backstage with Brock Lesnar.
Josh asks Brock is he’s proud to be back in WWE. Brock makes some silly claims that he made both WWE and UFC. I’ll say it, this interview was PAINFUL. I’d almost forgotten how poorly Brock is at speaking. Actually, I think he’s gotten worse, probably all the punches to the head in UFC. Brock says Cena can’t hold his jock strap… not sure why he’d want to. It’s probably got sable cooties.
David Otunga Vs. John Cena
Otunga does a body builder entrance, I thought he’s supposed to be the Harvard Lawyer guy? Honestly I like his new Bodybuilder gimmick over the lawyer one, lots of flexing and posing, which did a good job of annoying the crowd. Johnny Ace was at ringside, however he wasn’t watching the match, he was playing Angry birds in Space on his phone. For the record, tonight there was a much bigger Let’s go Cena chant than Cena sucks tonight. Not much to this one, Otunga flexed, Cena got his stuff in and won with the AA,
Brock attacks Cena after the match and hits him with the F5 as Big Johnny looked on.
I’m gonna say it, Brock Lesnar should never be allowed to talk in public. EVER. I know he’s a beast of an athlete and all, but he’s dumber than a box of rocks. I know I’m not a Brock fan, but his strength is, well in his strength. So they need to keep him as physical as possible. The brawl with Cena was good, but they can’t keep the momentum up with this feud if he has to verbally duel with Cena, who not only went toe to toe verbally with the Rock for the last year, he actually won a good many of those face offs.
I still don’t like Tensai’s matches stopping the way they are. Let him pin the guy, his beatings just don’t look that devastating. I think shorter, more physical matches would go farther, than slow methodical beatdowns that end in ref stoppage.
It was a little off putting that WWE treated the movie three stooges like they were the original Three Stooges. I don’t know if that was the E’s doing or movie marketing, but I found it weird. Still they were pretty funny, and Santino as usual came through with the humor. I don’t have a problem with guest hosts, we just have to accept that they’re going to be a part of the show from time to time.
Punk and Jericho’s intense storyline continues. Dragging someone’s family into a program is always a hit or miss proposition, but this one seems to be working. Jericho is a nasty, nasty heel and is doing some fabulous work here.
That’s it for me this week, thanks for checking out TotallyDriven.TV, I look forward to your comments or questions as always.
Maverick writes “Comic Roundup” and “Monday Night Mav” for Totally Driven.
for more of his ramblings, check out his website: MavericksRoundup.Com