Monday Night Mav !!
Howdy Totally Driven fans, it’s time for another exciting episode (I hope) of Monday Night Raw Supershow. Tonights show is live to tape from England.
CM Punk Vs. Mark Henry (WWE Championship Match, CO No DQ)
We’re starting off the show with the WWE Championship. Both men are in the ring and we get a recap of current events. I think that’s really, really, dumb by the way. Both competitors are in the ring, watching the monitor before their match. Do all the recap crap before they get there, less awkward. Heck the stuff they showed wasn’t even all the stuff leading up to Henry vs. Punk, it was the attack on Punk by Jericho. OK, Henry was involved in the match, but the focus of the piece was on Jericho.
This was a really good “Big Man Vs. Little Man” match. Punk did a great job of chopping down the giant.
Punk wins the match with an elbow smash with the steel chair for the three count. Excellent story telling, for those who appreciate these things.
WINNER: CM PUNK
After the match Chris Jericho appears on the Titan Tron. Looks like he wants to run down Punk and his family some more. Jericho says Punks Straight Edge lifestyle is a facade, and he’s living a lie. We go to the video of what looks to be CM Punk, going into a bar, or a pub I suppose since we’re in merry ole’ England.
It may have been Punk, but it could’ve also been the guy who cuts my neighbors yard, they look very much the same. Y2J rips punk and his family some more, Punk attempts to shoot back, but Jericho disappears from the screen. Punk did acknowledge it was him though, but says he was just getting some Fish and Chips.
R-Truth is dressed like Sherlock Holmes backstage with Teddy Long. I’ll be honest I have no idea what this segment was about, I was laughing too hard. Little Jimmy’s last name is Watson apparently. Best I can tell, R-Truthlock Holmes is going to find Teddy Long a job
Santino Marella Vs. David Otunga (US Title Match)
Santino had some fun with the crowd before the match, wearing several Jerseys of soccer teams taking them off until getting to London’s jersey. Otunga has become the wrestling equivalent of Messy Marvin, he trips, stumbles and goof almost everything he does. The match ends with Otunga covering Marella for two but Santino gets his foot on the rope as the ref counts three. The ref calls it off, and tries to convince Otunga that he’s not champ, Santino gets up and Cobra Strikes Otunga for the pin to retain the US Title.
Josh Matthews is backstage and tries to ask what inevitably would’ve been a stupid question to Lord Tensai, however he’s cut off by his, um, butler guy. Then Tensai says we fear the unknown, and he knows what we should fear, he also says some stuff in Japanese, but my interpreter quite after the Sherlock Holmes bit so I don’t know what he said.
Brock Lesnar interview.
Well they learned their lesson from last week, which was never give Brock a microphone in front of a live crowd, and ran a pre taped interview. Brock tells his version of his life story, about how he came to WWE awesome, and quite when it got too rough. Then he went to UFC and was awesome, then left when it got too rough, and now is back to bring legitimacy to the WWE. Nothing about his NFL debacle I see. The package was well done by the WWE crew, a very intense interview. Brock came off much better than last weeks mess of a promo.
Zack Ryder Vs. Kane
Hmm, guess the Ryder Revolution is over. Of course there is some current events to recap, whoa, Kane attacked Ryder before the bell, and before I was done typing the last sentence. Kane murders Ryder and then grabs the mic to talk about attacking Bob and Randy Orton last week, which was all a part of the video package I was typing about when Kane attacked Zack. There, um was no match here technically.
WINNER: Not Zack, even though there was no match.
Backstage Kofi Kingston was trying to pick up Daniel Bryan’s sloppy seconds by hitting on AJ. Bryan comes by and calls him on it, tells us he’s renaming the LeBell lock the YES Lock. (I’m capitalizing it because that’s how Bryan says it.) and Starts a crazy YES chant, that England gladly embraces. Bryan goes on for quite a while, and Kofi just kind of awkwardly stands there.
This folks is why Kofi will nee be a huge star. He had nothing. No comeback, no slap in the mush, nothing. He stood there looking like a goofy why Bryan just killed it.
John Cena comes to the ring to address Brock, because he can talk in front of people. He will fight! He also talks about John Laurinaitis being there and how he’s (suddenly) out to get him.
Out comes Big Johnny, with his amazing ring music. He makes an extreme rules match between Cena and um, someone. Ace isn’t telling us. Big Johnny The Ace is announcing the end of an era, well another one I suppose since we just ended an era at Wrestlemania. Era’s just aren’t what they used to be.
Next week there will be a contract signing between Brock and Cena. That should go well. We’re also having a special three hour Raw next week.
Hornswaggle is in what looks to be a library, TruthLock Holmes come in through a secret door. Hornie tries to access it but can’t.
Daniel Bryan Vs. Kofi Kingston
This one is pretty much what you’d expect from these two. They’re given some time which is good. Kofi does a crazy dive on the floor, and Bryan was out of place, Kofi crashed pretty hard, at first I thought he got hurt, but he seemed to brush it off.
The big finish sees Kofi missing a big high cross from the top and Bryan slaps on the YES Lock, for the win. Afterwards Bryan puts Kofi back into the hold, which brings out Sheamus. Bryan runs away before Sheamus can kick his brains out.
WINNER: Daniel Bryan
Brodus Clay Vs. Dolph Ziggler
Funkasuarus is out with his Funkettes. Brodus has a crazy new, um, chain? Out comes Vicki to kill the party, and more importantly intro Dolph. Jack Swagger is our with Brodus. This one doesn’t really get out of the gates. Swagger gets drug into the ring and the ref calls for the DQ. Brodus beats everyone up, Vicki jumps up on the apron and the Funkettes pull her down. Vicki kicks one and the other chases her into the awaiting Funkasaurus. Vicki is terrified of Brodus’ wiggle, she gets shoved down by one of the Funkettes, and then dancing commences.
WINNER: Brodus Clay (DQ)
Johnny The Ace is giving Otunga a pep talk, sorta, when Eve comes up and reminds Johnny that they were supposed to have a “meeting”. Ace asks her, and Otunga into his office.
Next is an awesome Chief Jay Strongbow tribute. RIP Chief, he really was one of the greats.
Truthlock Holmes is back, he’s’ found Teddy a job, GM of Smackdown. Long reminds him that A. he’s insane, and B. that he was already been fired from that job.
The Great Khali & Big Show Vs. Epico and Primo
Holy poop that’s a big team. Even Rosa’s magical wiggle may not be able to help them in this match. Apparently Rosa was complaining on Twitter about lack of TV time. This one is exactly as you’d expect. The tag team champs don’t fair too well.
Abraham Washington, who apparently is just going by A.W. now, came out to scout.
Rosa and the Colon’s try to run, but Show stops them, sends them into the ring and Show and Khali precede to Squish the champs. there was some freaky dance stuff from the duo afterwards.
WINNERS: The two very tall gentleman.
John Cena Vs. Lord Tensai Extreme Rules Match
Cena’s back and waiting for his mystery opponent. This is an extreme rules match, but you know that from the sentence before this one. Johnny Ace’s music hits, but Big Johnny is not the opponent. Ace introduces Cena’s opponent. Lord Tensai. John has a hard time cutting down the big man who keeps getting up and cutting Cena off
During the match we get some more of the “story” as to why Ace after Cena now. Cole tells us that It’s because of his loss to the Rock that Cena is now a target. And that’s reason why Ace brought in Lesnar. Not sure why Ace couldn’t get that across, but Ok. They also (several weeks later) begin to question how the loss at Mania will effect Cena.
The big finish sees Cena puts the STF on Tensai, Ace sends Otunga into the ring to break it up. Cena hits Otunga with the AA for his trouble, Tensai gets up and sprays the Muta mist (apparently he listened to me last week) and gets the win with the um, can I still call it the Baldo bomb?
Afterwards Tensai celebrated while Cena tried to get some water for his eyes.
Whoever was responsible for tonights show must have worked for the department of redundancy department. I know it’s commonplace to recycle stories and angles… but let a little time pass before you do. We just “ended an era” with Taker and Shawn and Triple H, and now they’re pushing the “End of the John Cena Era”. And we started AND ended the show with the same type of match. Before you say it, A No DQ No Countout match IS an Extreme Rules match. Yeah, I know the PPV is coming up, but the PPV is using lots of gimmick matches, borrow a different one. Especially since they both used the same basic premise. smaller man vs. big monster guy. Of the two the Punk Henry match was a better story, but both did it’s job well.
Kofi Vs. Bryan and Punk Vs. Henry were both entertaining, and there were some really funny spots. So the show overall was a pretty good one. I’m not sure what, if anything Truthlock Holmes was supposed to get over, but I liked it.
Next week, a three hour Raw with the Cena Lesnar contact signing. The show has a special start time of 8PM. Until then, thanks for reading!