Monday Night Mav
We’re in Greensboro North Carolina for Raw tonight.
Please welcome Mr. John Laurinaitis, who has some explaining to do after his actions last week. Big Johnny claims to be the lead authority figure in the WWE and will not allow anyone to challenge his leadership.
The crowd thinks Ace sucks. Big Johnny calls himself skillful and dangerous.
He says the Board of directors too no disciplinary action on him because he’s tough but fair. Cena was asked not to be here. Loud Cena chant, hmm. Interesting. He shows us his photo album from Japan. Calls himself the Hulk Hogan of Japan and claims to have turned down WWE. Said he’d pummel anyone who mocked him, or threatens his leadership. May Good Bless people power, and have mercy on Cena’s soul.
CM Punk’s music hits and out comes the WWE champ.
Punk runs down the Dynamic Dude. He says what the WWE doesn’t want is Johnny The Ace. He says Big Johnny’s whole hissy fit is about Ace putting all his chips on Brock Lesnar, and he got beat by Cena. then he addresses the whole Japan thing by reminding us that he went to Japan because no one would spend a dime to see him wrestle. Hmm, Kind of like my career, without the 10 years in Japan part..
Ace of course is all pissy about this and tells Punk he will face someone who knows respect. Lord Tensai! Bum, bum, bum! Ok, they didn’t play the music, but they totally should have.
Intercontinental Championship Match.
Big Show Vs. Cody Rhodes(C)
Show is walking to the ring and Ace gets in his face and tells him off for not getting in his way. Show mocks him behind his back and Eve is catches him.
They recap the idiotic finish of the tables match at Extreme Rules, if they were smart they’d never reference that embarrassment ever again.
A pretty short match, the end sees Show catch Cody’s kick attempt and flipped him all sorts of upside down. It was actually pretty cool. Cody tries to run like forrest but Show catches him, sending him back to the ring. Cody runs again, this time getting counted out.
Show tries to coax Rhodes to the ring but he just leaves. Out comes Eve. Who seems to have had a tanning accident because she’s Oompa Loompa orange. She demands Show apologize. He says he’s sorry, however Eve demands he “apologize” then rips him about being a 40 year old freak… Don’t be a bully Eve, be a star. For some reason Show actually does apologize and then leaves with his tail between his legs. It must be emasculate a Giant night on Raw.
WINNER: Big Show via Countout.
Kofi Kingston Vs. Dolph Ziggler
Kofi has Little Jimmy and R-Truth with him. Vicki botches Dolph’s announcement so badly it’s ridiculous. It was so horrendous I don’t even know what she was trying to say. Jack “stop calling me Biff” Swagger is also with Dolph. Backstage AW is advising his new clients, Primo Epico and Rosa. He’s going to be advising their careers. Why a manager needs a manager I’m not sure, but Rosa must think she needs one. Oh, Mason Ryan happens by the monitor, however that may have been an accident on his part. I doubt he was actually supposed to be on the show.
The big finish sees Truth and Vicki up on the apron distracting the red as Kofi goes to the middle rope, Swagger pushes him off allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag for the win.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler
After a word from our sponsors, Michael Cole is in the ring to interview John Cena who is not here but appearing via satellite. Don’t think about it.
Cena’s arm is hurt, but even though there is a group of doctors who thinks he shouldn’t compete, he’s going to be at the PPV. Cole asks if he’s surprised the board of directors didn’t punish Big Johnny and he says no, because the board contacted Cena who asked them not to punish Ace until after Over The Limit. Cole says Cena is scared. Cena is scared Ace will hurt himself before the PPV. Cena’s going to kick some General manager hiney at the PPV.
Natalya and Maxine Vs. Kelly Kelly and Layla.
Beth is on commentators duty. Is it too soon to dub Layla and Kelly LayKel? or maybe KelLay? Beth is not happy. Natty is on the apron giving Layla lip when Kelly pulls her off the apron smashing her face. Layla does an amazing role through for a cover. KelLay wins when Lay hits Maxine with a neckbreaker for the win. Beth gets her rematch in two weeks at the previously mentioned PPV.
They plug Santino’s YouTube Show I wish I was watching it now.
Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho Vs. Randy Orton & Sheamus
Ricky Riccardo Rodriguez is in the ring, probably to announce Alberto Del Rio… yup. Jericho and his amazing technicolor ring coat is next out, I want something like that for when I’m jogging at night.
Not lying, it took me several minutes to realize Sheamus had his arm wrapped. Orton takes out Del Rio with the RKO, Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick on y2J, however Jericho ducks and he hits Orton with it. Jericho nails the code breaker for the win. Sheamus goes to help Orton up, but gets RKO’d for his trouble. The crowd, and I really liked this match, maybe because it was a combo we don’t see every week or the combination just clicked well, but it seemed fresher than the usual Raw fare lately.
WINNERS: Alberto Del Rio and Chris Jericho
After the break we come back to Jericho, Orton and Del Rio all yelling about how they should be number one contender, Jericho attacks Orton and Del Rio jumps on him as well, Sheamus runs in and helps run them off. Orton and Sheamus have words before refs intervene. Johnny The Ace makes a fatal four way for the PPV.
Brodus Clay Vs. The Miz
Funkadactyls are out with Brodus, sadly no Hornswoggle though. Funk reminds all of his “Funkateers” to “Call their mamas this Mothers day.” Miz calls Brodus King Hippo, bwah ha ha! More of a match than I was expecting. Miz actually gets some good offense in. Brodus wins in the end with the big Splash.
WINNER: Brodus Clay
We recap all the chaos from last week with Brock and Triple H… Except they actually dubbed in a breaking sound when Brock snapped it. They show Hunter wearing his new bionic arm brace, holding a board meeting. It was a good thing they could rebuild him. They had the technology.
Brock was invited to address his actions, but instead sent his legal representative… HOLY $&*# IT’S PAUL HEYMAN!!!
Paul runs down Brock’s side of the story, and how dominant he is, and how wrong WWE is. Mr. Heyman is here to read Brock’s official statement to the WWE Universe. It obviously wasn’t written by Brock, it used big words and made sense. Essentially the gist of it is, Brock quits.
Big Show is backstage talking to, um some guys from some USA Network show. They’re killing Show over the really crappy angle earlier. Good for them. They claim to be sexy detectives so they’ll get to the bottom of things. They then start killing Big Johnny, Oops Eve’s back. Show’s in trouble again.
CM Punk Vs. Lord Tensai and Daniel Bryan
Punk came to the ring, but Ace stopped his entrance to announce that the match is now a handicap match. I’m pretty sure somebody screwed up here. Earlier in the night, Michael Cole and/or Jerry Lawler mentioned that Punk was in a handicap match, but acted surprised when Ace came out to announce it.
Back from the break, Lawler does a cover of the announcing mix up.
Here’s the column.
It’s a handicap Match so they beat Punk down pretty bad. Eventually though, Punk is able to come back and hits most of his big moves. Tries to get Tensai up for the GTS… That’s just silly. In the end the numbers game overcome the WWE champ. Punk goes to the top for the macho man elbow, but Bryan pushes him off. Tensai gets the pin with the Muta mist claw hold slam. Yeah, Tensai gets the pin, not the guy getting the title match in three weeks.
After the fact, Bryan puts the boots to him after and locks Punk in the YES lock. The show goes off the air with Bryan chanting YES over Punk’s corpse.
I have the feeling in the next week or so someone in WWE’s technical Department, probably someone in a high ranking spot will be released. More sloppiness tonight. Spoiling the main event change earlier is pretty minor league, and something that should never happen on Raw. Someone screwed up somewhere.
Also, I don’t know if it’s a new gimmick thing with her, or she is just messing up, but Vicki’s ring introductions have been very odd lately, this weeks just being plain bad.
I’ve never been a fan of monthly PPV’s and this week is an example of why. They have so little time to build matches and interest that in some cases they’re literally saying “Oh by the way, these guys (or gals) are having a match on the PPV now. Cutting back to six a year would help all around, and make story lines flow easier, at least in my opinion.
It was great seeing Paul Heyman tonight, just a great surprise and a welcome addition to the Brock Lesnar storyline. I wonder if it’s possible to just dub Paul’s promos over Brock whenever he has to talk? Probably not but it would be nice. At the very least Heyman should do the lion share of Brock’s talking.
I just didn’t like the Eve-Big Show situation. All of the sudden Big Show is a whiny pushover with no backbone? Letting both Johnny and Eve push him around? I just can’t see that selling tickets.
Punk Vs. Bryan is suffering from the fact that we’ve seen it six times on Raw last month, the match just doesn’t seem important. I think they have to up the stakes a little to make it feel important, also not using the WWE Champ to push someone else’s story forward could help.
This week Raw had trouble keeping my attention, it seemed sloppy and thrown together in places, with no direct plan. Heyman was great, and Punk’s promo as usual was entertaining, but the show was missing something. It just felt… unimportant? I don’t know, if that’s the right word, but tonight seemed more like a Smackdown than a Raw to me.
That’s all for this week.