Monday Night Mav
May 28th Recap
WWE Raw Supershow opens with a touching tribute to our nations troops, past and present. These tributes are always well done and this years was no exception.
Happy Memorial Day everyone, although belated by the time this will be posted. After a weekend of yummy barbecue and summer like temps, I’m ready for some Monday Night Raw. We’re live in New Orleans tonight for those keeping score.
We get the normal recap of the main event angle, which currently is John Cena and Big Show. And Mr. Show is out to the ring to start the um show. He’s looking dapper in a really, really big suit. Definitely a Thorton Mellon Special. Show’s all smiles even though the crowds not all happy with him.
Show says it’s easy to make us smile, although he’s probably not talking about the IWC, they never smile at wrestling. Happy time with the big show is over, he doesn’t have to make us smile anymore because he has an iron clad contract. Huge Cena chant starts, speaking of things that make the IWC not smile. Because of his iron clad contract he can do anything he wants, whenever he wants. He’s not an entertainer, he’s a giant and no one is in his league.
Show is also angry because minutes after being fired Brodus Clay had a dance party with some kids and the Tag Team Champs Kofi Kingston and R-Truth. Show sounds like a crazy ex girlfriend here, being all angry that we moved on with our lives moments after he was fired. But what he’s REALLY mad at is Cena’s Jim Carrey impression during the promo with John Laurinaitis at the end of the show that, um Show was fired on.
“Cena hurt me when he decided he didn’t care.” Why do all of these heel turns end up sounding like a bad break up scene from One Tree Hill? Anywhoo Cena is going to suffer the biggest loss, embarrassment and disappointment of his career after No Way Out.
Santino Marella is warning up backstage, doing squats with the US Title, They also announce Daniel Bryan Vs. CM Punk for tonight.
Santino Marella Vs. Alberto Del Rio
Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer and Santino Marella’s current comedy sidekick Riccardo Rodriquez announce Berto to the ring. Berto is the new number one contender to the World title after winning at Smackdown. Santino powerwalks to the ring.
Del Rio attacks early, but Tino counters and hits with his hip toss and head butt. Marella pulls out the cobra, however Del Rio cuts him off and locks in the cross arm breaker for the submission win. Ricky Riccardo rubs it in, at least I think he did, he says a lot of stuff in Spanish. They take the cobra and stuff in in Tino’s mouth.
Alex Riley is backstage macking on Eve, but she’s distracted by The Big Show. Eve tells Show he can pick his opponent tonight and leaves. Riley gets a little nervous, however Show says he’s not picking Riley as his opponent. He does however have a message Riley can give to the locker room, but before he tells him what it is, he slams Alex face first into the wall. Mr. Big leaves and we don’t find out what the message is. I bet it was that there is free pie in the locker room.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Kofi Kingston & R-Truth Vs. Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler
Air Truth? R-Boom? While I’m debating goofy names for the WWE Tag Champs, Vicki comes out wearing a tablecloth from a Greek Restaurant… or something.
Truth hits the craziest looking leg drop ever, there was a split and a spin and a, oh forget it. Wow, he’s really wound up tonight, I think he’s been drinking Little Jimmy’s Juicy Juice again. After a short message from our sponsors Ziggs and Swaggs are in control of the match, working over Kofi. Truth gets the hot tag and things break loss with all four in the ring. Truth ends up pinning Swagger for the win.
After the match Ziggler is visibly upset, saying he’s better than this and leaves Vicki and Swagger behind.
Santino is being helped to the back by an official when The Big Show stops them. Show grabs Santino by the face and yells at him saying that Marella thought it was funny when he got fired. Brodus Clay interrupts and calls Show out for talking behind his back. The challenge is thrown down and accepted, Big Show Vs. Brodus Clay tonight on Raw.
Please welcome Mr. John Laurinaitis.
Big Johnny is on his amazing “People Powered” hoveround, and joined by Eve and David Otunga. At what point do they try to market the David Otunga travel mug?
Big Johnny has some stuff to tell us. First, Show will wrassle Brodus Tonight. Next Cena Vs. Show is a steel cage match at No Way Out. and He’s now the most popular WWE Superstar of all time. Yeahbutwhat? He chokes on some words and then shows us that he will be on the cover of the WWE 13 Video game. That’s gonna move some units.
He proclaims the game will be bigger than Pacman. Yes friends, Pac Man.
WWE Champ CM Punk comes out, probably to preorder the game. Punk puts gum on the hoveround seat.
Punk says Pac Man and Ace have no testicles. That’s low, Pac Man is not gonna take that lightly. Punk tells us the actual cover features someone a lot better looking than Big Johnny, Eve maybe? Nope, It’s CM Punk!
Punk says his is bigger than Ace’s. Punk sends Ace, Eve and Carlton out of the ring so he can beat Daniel Bryan. The new version of the Dynamic Dudes leave and Punk beats up Big Johnny’s poster while we go to commercial.
CM Punk Vs. Daniel Bryan
The freaking game don’t come out until October? And they’re doing an angle now?
Yes! Daniel Bryan is on his way YES to the YES ring YESSSS. We get a recap of Daniel Bryan mugging Kane on Smackdown on Friday. Yes, you read that right. He killed him with a chair. Right. Anyway, Bryan now has YES on his kick pads. A funny thing happened on Raw tonight, A wrestling Match breaks out. The crowd is very pro Punk tonight.
If you’ve seen these two wrestle, you know what this match is all about, if not, shame on you. a very good technical wrestling match. Bryan working Punks arm, and oddly enough, Punk sells the arm. Lots of counters and reversals. Oh boy, here comes crazy horse… err AJ. She’s wearing a CM Punk T-Shirt and wristbands tonight. They keep talking about how frail and fragile AJ is, um, isn’t she a wrestler? Or supposed to be, cause I’ve never seen her do anything but play the victim on Raw.
The main story behind this match is Bryan’s still pushing that he made Punk tap out and he’s trying to earn another shot at the title. Punk goes for the Macho ELbow but Bryan cuts him off and hits with a super duperplex! That’s Maverick speak for a top rope Superplex. Bryan goes to take the cover off the apron and AJ jumps on the apron to distract the ref. Bryan gets his head kicked off, but Punk only gets a two count. Punk tries to shoo AJ away from the ring, then goes for the running knee into the corner, however the momentary distraction allows Bryan to counter and send Punk into the exposed turnbuckle, allowing Bryan to pin the champ.
Bryan goes to celebrate, however Kane appears at ringside and murders Bryan with the chair. Kane goes to kill Punk next, but crazy horse gives Punk a chair and The WWE Champ beats Kane with the chair instead, clearing the ring. Punk stands alone will AJ makes googley eyes at him from ringside.
Christian Vs. The Miz
While Captain Charisma is on his way to the ring, Cole and Lawler tell us about the Chris Jericho incident from the weekend. Cody Rhodes is ringside to call this one, and probably interfere somehow. I’m assuming this one’s non title as well. Cody calls Christian old in colorful ways. Rhodes hasn’t cashed in his rematch clause for the Intercontinental title yet, but I’ll bet he’ll do it for the next Pay Per View.
Cody decides he’s seen enough and is going to leave. Cody getting up distracts Christian who almost gets pinned by the Miz, after some counters Christian hits the kill switch and then a top rope Frog Splash for the win. Cody watches from the top of the ramp, and leaves.
Meanwhile backstage, Johnny Ace needs to talk to his lackeys in private so they… OMG! TEDDY IS IN A MAIDS OUTFIT! Sorry, that was just awesome. They send Teddy out of the room so they can talk in private, but not the camera. Oy. Ace is upset that both have recently failed him, and tells them they need to step up. Otunga asks for a match against Sheamus to make up for Eve not getting Sheamus to apologize on Smackdown. Teddy brings Eve her coffee and she spits it out and throws it on him saying it’s cold. Teddy is frustrated because he brought her an iced coffee.
I don’t know where there’s a Carl’s Jr. around me, but I kinda want to try the grilled cheese bacon burger they’ve been advertising. Kinda.
Miz is still ringside. He wants the match stricken from the record. He’s pretty ticked off that since he helped Johnny Ace win at Mania, he still hasn’t gotten bumpkis. Miz is not leaving until he gets his… Oops here comes Randy Orton. Miz tries to warn off Orton, however Randy nails him with the RKO.
Meanwhile, backstage Dolph wants out of his tag team with Swagger. He wants to be a star of Orton’s caliber. Vicki says she’ll see what she can do.
Sheamus is on his way to kick David Otunga in the face, and we get a taped promo about Memorial Day by John Cena. Another great promo. Also, I think Elvis is in the crowd. Seriously, he was in a wide pan shot.
For those interested Punk Vs. Kane for the title on Smackdown.
David Otunga Vs. Sheamus
Anudder non title match… Yes I said Anudder They’re not telling us, but since there is no title match graphic I’m going with it. Not like it matters, this will last five minutes if we’re lucky. And I hope we’re lucky. Otunga is awful in the ring.
Otunga tries to start early, and sloppily clobbers on Sheamus for a few minutes until Sheamus gets annoyed and beats the crap out of Otunga. Oh David, don’t ever let Jennifer Hudson go. Sheamus Brogue kicks the coffee off of Urkeltunga’s breath for the win. Also, there’s a kid dressed like Sheamus at ringside. He looks like a crazy muppet version of Sheamus, and it’s awesome.
There’s an ECW DVD coming out soon, Paul Heyman shills it to us.
Once again we get recap. Once again it’s Show’s heel turn and his knocking out Cena last week.
Brodus Clay Vs. Big Show
They keep pushing Funkasaurus’ undefeated streak, so I’m guessing it’s coming to a crashing halt tonight.
Brodus has the Funkadactyl’s with him as usual. Show has a microphone. Show says Clay is a bigger embarrassment than him. Says he can be the next Doink, except Doink had talent. Brodus comes out of the ring to get in his face, but Show spears him. Big Show brutalizes Clay outside the ring. Show starts to set up the table to put Clay through it when Kofi and Truth run down, only to be cut off by Show. Show breaks the table and bashes Clay with a piece of it.
Show is an absolute monster here, destroying Kingston and Truth, throwing them around ringside and smashing them through parts of the set. He then delivers the knock out punch to Clay. The Show ends with Big Show walking up the ramp and Johnny Ace coming out to raise his hand in victory.
That my friends is how you write an angry Giant. Big Show was an awesome force tonight. And they did it in a way where Brodus, Kofi and Truth don’t lose face. Yeah, they got beat down, but it was believable, and you still have the potential big match between Show and Brodus down the line. I just hope fans have a really short memory since two months ago he was crying all the time and getting beat up by Daniel Bryan.
This week seemed to be a big improvement over last week overall. I was much more interested in what was happening tonight. Show’s promo tonight should have been done last week as opposed to the lack luster and cliched promo that he did instead. The only thing missing was the John Cena fallout. Unless I missed it, we got no report on Cena’s condition or whereabouts tonight. Cena and Show were the focal point of the show, and oddly, nothing was mentioned past Cena getting knocked out. For all we know he could be still laying backstage at last weeks venue.
Adding Kane and now AJ into the story seems like watering down the Punk Bryan storyline. But I’ll see where this one goes. At least the matches are fun. Although, this is about the twelfth time we’ve seen it recently, it’s time to up the stakes a bit I think.
Also, this is random, but it bugs me. They have way too many non title matches. The titles mean almost nothing as it is, and there’s no reason to have every champ on the show every week in a non title match. It’s just bad booking all around. Also, having four non title match and one title match on the show, simply means you have WAY too many titles right now. Especially since the brand extension is practically null.
Next week, John Cena returns from wherever he is, and I’m sure there will be some violence associated with that. Thanks for reading.