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AK’s 3 cents:

by  A.K.






So Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers ripped off the MVP award from an LA Dodger Matt Kemp last year, Kemp came in 2nd to a cheater. Fast forward to this year and he’s busted for being a dirty liar and is suspended for the rest of the season. Well then take away his MVP and give it to the guy who came in second to a cheater. The witch hunt is on, a bunch of other players on playoff teams are also being implicated. Facing 50 game suspensions, these players could miss a good part of the second half of the season. While out of all the suspensions being handed out, the one that stands out to me is the life time ban hovering around Alex Rodriguez.


A life time ban, you can’t play any more bro, is it possible to survive off the millions and millions of dollars you made during your time in MLB? The league doesn’t like to be fooled or lied to, even though it happens all the time. If you ask me I don’t care about all this witch hunting garbage, I want to see home runs; I want to see exciting baseball. A no hitter is not exciting to me; it’s a game of catch between the pitcher and catcher. I don’t condone cheating, and when you get caught just say ‘yea I did it’, don’t insult the fans intelligence. Ryan Braun said he wants to get this instance ‘behind him’, well for you dooshbag, it’s in front of you for the rest of your teams season. People want to believe that there favorite players are not cheating and are naturally gifted. Well to compete in any profession you have to look for an edge, something to separate you from the pack. At the same time you get screwed over and called a cheater when you get caught using illegal substances.


Hopefully before that happens you score that huge contract, so when you’re sitting at home in your mansion, you could enjoy your suspension or vacation. Back to A-Rod he hasn’t played all season, and if he does get banned, he’s going to fight it with the best law team his millions can afford. I don’t think major league baseball wants to fight A-Rod if they go to court. Why with the lifetime ban? isn’t that a bit too harsh for making the MLB look stupid, losing A-Rod wouldn’t effect there revenue stream one bit of course since there a giant cash cow. Are they going all the way with the witch hunt and also go after the little people, the scientists or dealers of the pharmaceuticals? Will they have to call in Sherlock Holmes, Columbo, or Matlock to solve the case? Can they at least go to Braun’s house and get back the MVP and give it to my local favorite MVP runner up, LA Dodger Matt Kemp?


How do they come up with these punishments? 50 games why not, 51 games? why not give them an option like community service. Make those dirt bags hang out with the crowd for their suspensions, why should they chill at home? Maybe even make them serve the crowd food and drink. You should be able to buy special tickets were the suspended players have to serve you during the game. That would be cool, how about I get a ride in the suspended players fancy car. Make that dooshbag pick me up from my pad and drop me home after the game, come on! How about make them clean the dugouts after the game for a shorter suspension, or give them mascot duty. How about throw a baseball at a cheater in the crotch day that would be amazing.  There could be many ways to solve this problem, what are they testing for anyways? Why aren’t these guys smart enough to buy clean piss for their pee test? They make so much money is clean urine hard to find to pass a piss test? To keep your dignity from the witch hunt?


Watching the 4 letter network, they got reporters saying A-Rod is really interested in coming back to play. While on the other side the Yankees aren’t too interested in having him comeback. If he gets banned the Yankees are off the hook with that huge contract! Think about it they could reload and get another high priced player or maybe 2 really good players, A-Rods contract is a lot of money, and it looks like A-Rod is going to be spending a lot of time in court, fighting for his right to play ball.


While the Yankees are crossing the fingers on this one to get that albatross of a contract off their books with one swift judgment from the MLB. It’s amazing we got all this press about a dude that hasn’t played a lick this year; earlier in the season he tweeted he was coming back. What happened there was hysterical the general manager told him to shut the hell up. To that extent, about when the Yankees were bringing him back was up to them, not him. It’s kind of like when your grounded and you can’t go out until your parents tell you its ok, happened to me all the time. Thankfully I stood up to them finally one day and said ‘look man I’m 25 you can’t tell me what to do, can I borrow ten bucks for gas money?’ At the time I was unemployed being released from circuit city if you read on I will glance over what happened.


Back to punishments what about having the fans throws tomatoes at these jerks that would be gratifying for the average Joe. Bring your own tomatoes throw them at the jerks, line them up before the game, maybe 3 hours before the game. Then have a raffle, the first maybe 50 fans that get there number called, gets to throw tomatoes at this over paid cheater. Now trying to pass a piss test, I got a funny story about that, and it didn’t cost me millions like these idiots. You know I failed a piss test trying to get a job at a local electronics store. Just quitting at the circuit city back in the day, when they were still around. That place was a joke I knew they were on their way out as soon as they stopped selling home appliances. My manager his name was frank, he kind of look like Patrick Stewart, except with less class. He gave me a million chances on days I came in late, days I never showed up, days I hid in the TV department. Well he had it with me and fired me, so I decided to move over next door to the best buy. I forgot I had about 10 weeks of smoking herb in my body. I went to the local pipe store that sold marijuana bongs and stuff, and they had potions allegedly that would clean your piss. Turned out they were a bunch of BS, and I failed my piss test to get a job at best buy for $7.25 an hour at the time (1998), so there ya go.


Hey if you got any comments or want to follow me on twitter I’m at akfunhouse,

and da ak show on Facebook, and I’m the 3rd guy on vocnation podcast Wednesdays 2pm to 4pm pacific 5 to 7 east coast on vocnation.com!



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