by Bryanne Marks
Getting a Second Chance at Life
My Second Chance at Life
On August 24, 2013 I awoke to my alarm at 6:40 am. I was supposed to be at work at 7am. I jumped up. Grabbed everything I needed to not only look decent at work but to get ready for the Giants/Jets preseason football game that night. I got in my car called my supervisor and told her I’d be late as well. About a half mile down the road I got to a light where I sat and waited for it to turn green. This is where I blacked out. I’ve come to find out the light was never green and I proceeded to drive into the intersection. That is when my life took a turn for the worse…almost.
I looked to my left and noticed the car coming right at me and began to hit the gas. I believe in something out there and I believe it was my mother who put my foot on the gas. I had thought I’d made it through the intersection, but the other driver rammed into the rear driver side door of my car and went at least 2 feet into my car. He only spun me around just to face the intersection I was planning on going into, thank god. As my car stopped, the rush of pain I felt was intense. The airbags imploded and I could not find my cell phone to call 911. I heard people yelling from the outside so I turned my car on, rolled the window down, and yelled to them to call 911.
After that I just sat there in immense pain, agony, and shock asking myself did this really happen? As cops and EMS came, they stabilized me and got me on a stretcher to the hospital. Without my cell phone I had no way of contacting anyone, and when I got to the hospital I was alone and scared. This was my first real traumatic experience ever and no one was there waiting for me. The nurses and staff were great and helped me as much as they could. They even gave me a phone to contact my loved ones I had on file in their system but I was too shaken to even get the number correct on the phone. Finally after my father’s cell phone wasn’t answering I called the town police station where I knew he’d be in and they put a blotter out for the entire squad to locate him. Once he was located he was hysterical (this man never cries) and flew to the hospital. When he came in of course he was calm and started breaking out the jokes. I was still in the neck brace screaming at him (shakes head) lol.
Anyway, I literally walked away with a bruised chest, knee, wrists, and random bruises all over my body. Earlier that week was pretty rough, I was hysterical to a friend telling him exactly this: “I drive around wishing a car would
just hit me.” It took me until Sunday to realize I had said that.
That’s when the tears just started flowing.
I wished this upon myself. I wasn’t supposed to die in that car, but it was supposed to teach me a huge lesson. That my purpose in life hasn’t been met and I still have so much left to give to others and myself. I know there are things in life I truly want that I have yet to do. I still want to get married and if that doesn’t happen I want to have a baby more importantly. I really want to raise a child and give them the best life I can give that I couldn’t have. So if that is my purpose, then fuck it I am not done yet.
Nobody asks for the life they have. I’m the poster child for that. I bet you’re reading this right now feeling the same way. Don’t let it get to a near death experience. I’ve been dreaming about my dad planning my funeral. I’ve been dreaming who would show up. I’d been dreaming if my dad would put me next to my mom. I don’t need to be dreaming about these things. I’m too young. I need to dream about finding Mr. Right, having my career, getting pregnant someday, and whatever else I want to dream about.
If you ever think you need help find it. Do not let yourself go as far as wishing death or hurting yourself. There are plenty of places out there to help you. There are plenty of friends waiting to help you. Never ever wish bad upon yourself because if you do, you probably wouldn’t be reading this from me right now…just like how I may have never have had the chance to write about it.
Here is a list of help lines/groups that may be helpful for you to contact in your time of need. We all go through a rough time in a life and we don’t need to go through it alone.
- Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (2433) – Can use in US, U.K., Canada and Singapore
- Suicide Crisis Line: 1-800-999-9999
- National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8245)
- National Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000
- Postpartum Depression: 1-800-PPD-MOMS
- NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group: 1-800-826-3632
- Veterans: 1-877-VET2VET
- Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis: 1-800-233-4357
- Suicide & Depression Crisis Line – Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide: (UK only) 0844-561-6855
- Beyondblue info line: (Australia only) 1300-22-4636
- 24/7 Crisis Line:(Canada only) 905-522-1477
- Lifeline Australia: 13-11-14
- National Child Abuse Helpline: 1-800-422-4453
- National Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (TDD): 1-800-787-32324
- Center for the Prevention of School Violence: 1-800-299-6504
- Child Abuse Helpline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
- Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-800-548-2722
- Healing Woman Foundation (Abuse): 1-800-477-4111